i don't know how i'm supposed to be feeling right now,

.. you're supposed to tell me that right.

Disclaimer: Ranting, please do NOT read, even if you do, I don't really need comments.

You fucking broke your promise, & I'm supposed to live with it. And so its over. I bet you told it to everyone. It doesn't matter anything to you right? 'cause you know I can take it, maybe after crying and frustrations, but you knew I could take it. You knew that I'd forgive you, cause I always do. But why, why must you do it. I really hate this, it's really my life and I'm supposed to have full control over it. Now I'm super effed up, but I believe I've already vented all my frustrations, but you never saw one bit of it, so I guess it doesn't matter. Now I'm so tired, but I don't really wanna tell you how much damage you've done. You probably made me lose my trust in you. Tell me, how am I supposed to live with all these shit. Be glad I'm still typing this calmly, and not shouting everything in your face. You try to please me thereafter, but for you information, the damage is done, and it can't be undone. Fuck it, I don't really wanna talk about this, its really wasting all my energy. I know you're strong, and I'm weak, that's why I'm even ranting this. But I've nowhere to vent this anymore, I don't really think you want me to start crying again, it really makes me tired and worn out. If suddenly, I wasn't here anymore, I'm sure you'll regret your decision like hell, but I'm not so foolish to do anything, just to make you guilty. So that's that, I hope you'll never know this, its gonna be one of the darkest secrets, and you won't know its you. You would never guess it, even if you chance upon this. So goodbye now.

And you, you would never come along, unless you felt I needed someone somehow, or that you're plain bored. Yes, I know I mean nothing, and that you don't even mean what you say, so I'll take that just as an entertainment. I don't know how I'm supposed to make you my close friend, though you're really good at comforting. You don't share, you expect it to be one sided. And you come and go. When you go, you don't really realise that's the time I need someone to talk to the most. I know, typing things out can really make people misunderstand. If I added a :D or (: smiley, you would think I'm really okay, or happy. But truth is, its not always true. People tend to hide their feelings, alot. I've done that too. I'd probably tell you, "I'm really okay. :D" but I might not be. But it doesn't matter, its all trival. Seriously, I don't even know why I feel like I'm gaining sympathy. I don't even need it. I guess I'll just be myself, and I don't even wanna tell anyone even if I'm feeling real lousy anymore. It really doesn't make a difference at all. Ugh, why am I so similar to ***** right now. :/ Am I really that deprived of love and concern? I don't think so, right? ):

Blogging is my best friend, cause I can always put my emotions, and it'll keep it a secret for me. Nobody will know. And I don't even have to tell anyone about it, yet I get to rant. Its good that I can get things off my chest sometimes.
Now my eyes are really really tired. D:
Goodbye best friend.