OHYA MOTEL.

Omg tell you what. I just found out that the shower is actually also a sauna. o: o: o: Then then, got this other room that belongs to someone else right, is actually two times of my room and have a karaoke lah omg omg omg omg omg. I'm so gonna faint right now. I totally feel like a queen. The jacuzzi's really great and everything just rocks. I don't mind staying in a home like this. :( Plus the weather is colddd. :) I prefer cold to hot ley. I just don't like freezing. But now I on the aircon until like 20+ degrees so its not as cold as outsideee. :B

Yay anyway I feel like some frozen porkkk now. D: Fat yet cold. GAHHH. I miss Singapore already lahhh. I'm freaking tired. :( I miss my unlimited sms!!

From Taiwan.

Replies. :)

Guest: Lol who're you man. I've a feeling someone's investigating me. o:

Claudia: Hahaha you mean girl you haven't been helping me then I very sad.

Yeah in Taiwan now and freezing like fuck. My brother everyday there act wear short sleeves and short pants and slippers. x: Lolol.

I miss Singapore to the max and I can't wait for outings already. :( I realised I've been sleeping late and I'm real tired already. Gah, everything just freeze and freeze and get fat. Next time I come back I'll prolly be as heavy as the pigs in the farms or heavier. -_-

Psssh, I miss all my friends, and my unlimited sms the most. Gah, the feeling of checking your phone every minute (my bad habit) yet not seeing any messages sucks. And even if you ever ever receive any, you can't fucking reply. Arrggghhh. I feel damn pissed alr lah.

I wanna go back to Singaporeee. :( Five more days. Come airport fetch me lah dey. :D

OH YAH OH YAH. I now staying in the MOTEL that is ten times better than a HOTEL. I swear. Here we've a rotating tv and a fixed one, then the radio right is like whoo. The speakers on the ceiling and you can spam the volume. Best of all, got this porno channel LOLOL. But we boh watch lah kkk. Then we got this like 2 bathtubs that is like jacuzzi lor. Then still got shower also. Means altogether can three people bathe sia. :D Then my parents that side got like this massage chair omg super pro.

At first I climb up this scary stairs I damn scared woah then after that I fucking feel like a queen. Even my house not so nice. x: Then here still crazy sell condom and dildo LOLOL. Aiyah anyway here rocks like shit. Two queen sized beds. OWNAGE. All flat screen tv somemore. Win already I tell you, wireless internet wheeeeee. I'm just enjoying myself.

Trust me, ever since I stepped into this room I've been screaming and screaming and laughing and laughing my head off.

I AM A QUEEN OF THE WORLD BABY! B-)

taiwannnn.

Yay I brought my laptop over so can use. :D Today's the third day and I swear its freezing over here. Imagine you're freezing. And you see someone eating an ice cream. Then you can definitely confirm that's me. ._. Hopefully there's internet for the rest of the hotels/motels.

Anywayyyy. This hotel I'm currently at is H-U-G-E, HUGE. I fucking swear man. The door right to the table must run one. Then ah still got BALCONY. Got chair give you see stars also. :B And got damn alot of facilities lor. Win already, really. x:

I damn tired lah, sian balls. :( Use comp until late @ night = can die. I don't know how I'm expected to survive the next 6-7 days like this. Sure die alreadyyy. NOW I'M COLD. AND. VERY COLD. AND. IDK WHAT. This is damn shit balls, I can't wait for school to reopen somehow though I haven't started on my hmwk. o:

Anyway I freezing ttm and Claudia abit never do her job properly then my Country Story like shit already lor, :(

Ps. I want school to reopen asap and I wanna go for Christmas countdown. D: And and. I just watch ghost movie now I effing scared. (y) Win alr.

Taiwan.

Hey yall, I'm gonna go in already soon. At ariport now using free internet. :D Heh.
Hopefully there'll be internet there lor. :)

Going board my flight at 8am then.


Ps. I'll miss you to the max, and remember your promises k.
(I think my Country Story will die. Sure alot people come steal my crops/fruits.)
I'll be back safely kkk. :D
Hug! :) Camp @ my house/airport lah, up to you lolol. Joke.
Cannot sad. :D

Pps. I'll miss all of you. Even if I hate you, must stay happyyyy! :D

Ppps. I brought my laptop, hopefully there got internet sia. :( Oh yah. I last minute boh bring my bolster I damn sad lah sia. Anything can text me k, I receive free, then you all one is local. So if you got unlimited must spam me k, though I can't reply. :D

Anything then I try to update. :(
Misses.
Xoxo, love.

sinking deeper now.

I've mixed emotions now.

Actually I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I think I prolly just made everyone around me feel fucked up though I don't feel any better. I don't know why sometimes I try to trust someone so much and all that person does is try to dig more and make me feel like this friendship is only one sided.

I don't even know what I'm feeling now. I only know it gets harder and harder to sleep every night.

Replies/

Joey: Hello Joey! :)

Christmas tree: Eh you're the one that said "my mother's a bird, pffft." NOT ME OKAY!!

Replies!

Blue Ranger: Hahahah I won't expose you unless you want me to! :) Heh I so cool lor please. You want I can expose you easily but I know you also got alot of my secrets. Best friends = mutual trust okkkkk. :D

JNKL: Okay will relink you! Don't expose her on my blog or not I responsible okay! :( Hahaha yeah lor she not cute at all. I don't like her one bit. x:

me helpful. :p

This is called a coincidence. :)

Woke up at 7am, when we were supposed to reach school at 7.30am. :( Cheryl stay at Simei then she always the earliest, woah damn guilty sia.

Nevermind, go scgs train make me damn tired only lor, still must do physical. This is plain bully and go there reach at 9am still will kana scolding one sia, also not our training. :P

Today the stupid contact lens keep poking my eye and it hurts like shit, Imma go take it out soon. Oh yah oh yah, we finally went to eat at Yoshinoya. :) Then the childish Charlotte and Rachel decided to go kiap toys.

Total waste of money sia. LOL, they practically fail at this kind of thing. Then this Minnie (okay I not used to calling her Rachel) go tap into train station with Cheryl and this was what happened.

Z: (looks @ the screen) Eh see your train arrive already sia, you sure cannot make it liao lah.

R: WAHLAOOOO!! Then I've to waste 6mins of my life waiting for the next train sia.

Z: Aiyah six minutes of your life, worth nothing one lah. Just now you already spent one hour kiaping toys, another six minutes of your life considered nothing. :D

-Me and charlotte walks to bus stop.-

C: Eh just now what you say, what thing one hour what toys?

Z: Kiaping toys.

C: Omg that's such a cute word for cute people~!!!

Z: Oh thank you lah means you saying I cute! :D :D (laughs ttm.)

C: No lor no lor, you where got cute, I saying cute people like ______. (happy like a toad.)

Z: /gives the dao face.

Okay lah actually go home with Charlotte quite entertaining. We like say alot funny things on the bus but I forget already. I only remember us playing with the cotton floss with our saliva. :D

Oh yah before we cross the overhead bridge we saw this poor uncle trying to push his ice cream truck. You know those with motorbike one. Then after I think stuck at this curb. I sibei xiasuay but force Charlotte to pei me go help him. In the end got this couple the guy also come help! :D Then he say okay okay (ps he speak damn soft and rarely speak one k) then we walk off.

We crossing that time then he start pushing again. Miraculously Idk why people refuse to help! o: !! But anyway got this another boy and this ah pek go help him alr so we never go back.

/sighs. Never expected myself to be so kind hearted and to be able to persuade Charlotte also, damn happy lah, though we never do anything much. :) Okay maybe just satisfied.

YAY, HELPING PEOPLE MAKES YOU HAPPY.

(I've cleared some sins.) :D HEH.

Replies! :p

Sherine: Where's the lollipop, I see nothing okaaay. Bluff me one.

JNKL: Lol cannot new trend cause like this everybody power ranger liao, then not special. With great power comes great responsibility! :D Trying to update often, and of course must honoured lah dey.

Liyi: Eh sorry without the tie also as cute okay! :B Hahaha of course the skirt can be short, I fold three times ley. Somemore got rubberband, and tall mah. :P OKAY OKAY JOKE.

Christmas tree /_\: Hahaha you dickhead cannot even go out for dinner. I ask you come my house you don't want I sad I go sleep. :(

scammers.

Please look @ Charlotte's power ranger shoe. I'm so glad its full body. :B

I've just met a bunch of scammers! o: Heh, all the fellow skype-rs. Omg I got this effing feeling I'm getting scammed every moment but lucky I not so naive.

Ahhhh, it feels so great using Google Chrome right now cause it ain't lagging on me. Happy like some toad. But it frigging keeps correcting my spelling and I damn sad cause I always type damn shit words that are of wrong spelling but I don't care.

Anyway I'm happy to be using my comp again instead of my bro's cause mine ain't THAAAAAT lag and my keyboard is clean and green! :D Not with algae that is.

I'm back to being a happy girl nao. Okay maybe just okay, but that pressurizing feeling's gone for now, maybe it'll bug me later.

Ps, hinthint. I think alot people owe me breakfast and lollipop ley. :B O$P$ kkkk. Same goes with breakfast and lollipops. Heh. <:

:(

I hate myself, and everything I'm going through. I hate the pain, I hate the feeling.
I know I shouldn't cry, my eyes are tired. I get so tired, hoping that after crying, everything goes back to normal, but it doesn't.
I don't need comforting, I don't need care, I don't need anything you think I need.
Something's got to change. I'm tired of crying, so very tired.
Tired of gossiping, tired of repeating and arguing every point I'm trying to make, to make people so irritated, but nothing changes for me.

I'm gonna try to stop myself from whining, though crying's still my only route of escape, of letting myself feel better, and get through life.



Its okay, I'm numb now, you can do whatever you what, it doesn't matter.
I'll make everybody believe that I'm the happiest girl on Earth even if that's gonna kill me.
Maybe killing is way too much of a breeze, let's just say torture and endurance of it.
I'm gonna make it through, you wait and see.

Ps, Jolin, thanks for everything, whether you see this or not. I'm so glad you're going through the same thing so you really understand what I'm saying.
Though I'm not happy you're going through the same thing and I promise I'll ensure that your experience won't be as bitter as mine k.
Anything I'll be here kkkkk. Cheer up too.

I'm sorry.

Charlotte, thanks for being willing to listen to me at 1am in the morning, to get the burden off my chest. Thank you, cause it let me finally allow myself to fall asleep, and to hope for a better day.

I woke up, hoping for a better day but self-guilt engulfed me again. I guess I'll never get this off my chest, its just keeps coming back.
Sorry, I don't know how many sorries will make it up to you, but I hope someday, you'll be okay.

I'm really sorry. :'(

something's missing.

Woke up at 6plus just to go scgs play friendly games, bad experience. :/ Went pizza hut afterwards, guess everyone wasn't satisfied with their lunch yo.
Back home, didn't go and support, felt really bad. Really tired, went to lie down on the floor and only managed to wake up like maybe 2 hours later. Bathe, felt much more awake. :)

Feeling real tired now, stomach ache due to some extreme feelings, idk what. heart's empty, mood's down, eyes hurt, lazy take out contacts. :( Feel like a total idiot living. Already had nails cut, cooked dinner just now, was satisfied, but feeling empty all over again.
I don't know why, feeling useless, apologetic, guilty, nervous, anxious, empty, sad. I don't know why I've such complicated feelings but its making my stomach hurt ttm, and my heart has this feeling that it can't pump, then I can't breathe.

I don't know why this is happening. But most of all, I know something's missing. Its just that I know that something's not right, its not in place. I know I shouldn't pretend, but I can't show my feelings.
Others bring joy, so easily to me, but I feel so hopeless, so at loss, of not being able to do my part. Guilty, chide myself, but it doesn't make a difference. I know, I can't make it. I know I can't bring joy. I know I don't pass the mark, to be a friend, sister, daughter. I'm feeling so useless now.

Emptiness, guilt, and hopelessness engulfs me now, and accompanies me for the night.
Misery loves company. :( It gets me every night.