something's missing.

Woke up at 6plus just to go scgs play friendly games, bad experience. :/ Went pizza hut afterwards, guess everyone wasn't satisfied with their lunch yo.
Back home, didn't go and support, felt really bad. Really tired, went to lie down on the floor and only managed to wake up like maybe 2 hours later. Bathe, felt much more awake. :)

Feeling real tired now, stomach ache due to some extreme feelings, idk what. heart's empty, mood's down, eyes hurt, lazy take out contacts. :( Feel like a total idiot living. Already had nails cut, cooked dinner just now, was satisfied, but feeling empty all over again.
I don't know why, feeling useless, apologetic, guilty, nervous, anxious, empty, sad. I don't know why I've such complicated feelings but its making my stomach hurt ttm, and my heart has this feeling that it can't pump, then I can't breathe.

I don't know why this is happening. But most of all, I know something's missing. Its just that I know that something's not right, its not in place. I know I shouldn't pretend, but I can't show my feelings.
Others bring joy, so easily to me, but I feel so hopeless, so at loss, of not being able to do my part. Guilty, chide myself, but it doesn't make a difference. I know, I can't make it. I know I can't bring joy. I know I don't pass the mark, to be a friend, sister, daughter. I'm feeling so useless now.

Emptiness, guilt, and hopelessness engulfs me now, and accompanies me for the night.
Misery loves company. :( It gets me every night.