Not my day ):

Holy shit man. Today's not my day. Ran 8x50 and 400m indivisual. We came in 3rd for 8x50.

AND FOR 400, i came in last. My stomach pain had to come when i was at the final 200m of the race. Not cool man. I had the lead. Took my med and feeling better now. o: Anyway, in the end, baracuda is the champion! Falcon don't sad (: Still feeling a little frustrated about what happened. Sorry guys, didn't mean for my stomach pain to happen at the wrong time.

Went to Hougang Mall to have lunch. Walked around for awhile and went home after that.

feeling really lousy and i miss you. quickly charge finish your phone alright? (:

ps/ i'll remember you always

SHIT!

My turn to post (:

Decided not to go school today because i had to wake up and go to the toilet halfway through the night :x cant really remember how many times i did that. I'm thinking about 3 to 4? Dam, i'll shit on my pants sooner or later.

Okay. You're currently at school. I miss you ):

Come my house later? :D

ps/ sorry for all the recent sad face i have been showing you. not i want one okay? ): sorry.

i love you the most too. we'll have a good talk later. let's get things clear with each other. i love you.

rain! <:

Ran in the rain today with Claudia, Geokmin, Kailing, Liyi. :D (in alphabetical order.)

It was hell of a fun (probably cause I really can't remember the last time) and it really allowed me to let go of everything for a moment. ^^ !

...

But after that, everything just comes right back. :/

Sighhh.

I've History test tmrw on hell knows what.

I only know its Competing Ideologies, Feelings of Mistrust, Wartime Alliance break down ; Berlin's blockade, Korean War, Cuban Missile Crisis. SOMETHING LIKE THAT cause Mr Pah mentioned all these but it really sounds like the first time I've them all other than the first three cause I was sleeping. :D

But please don't be mistaken, Mr Pah rocks ttm, best teacher ever. I was just tired and sleepy, really couldn't help it. D:

Oh hell, wish me luck.

I swear I'll need it.

depression.

My mother claims she's suffering from depression.

But she claims I probably am too, cause I feel the same way as she does. Apparently she knows cause she suffered it when she miscarriage her first kid. o: !

I don't know, I just have really really really severe mood swings. And they can get really extreme within minutes. :(

I get really frustrated, angry and sad easily. Most of the time I just cry over some really small matter that I normally wouldn't. Recently, everything just hurts ten times more than usual. I think its either I'm getting sensitive or that I'm really petty with everything in life.

Worst, it could just be depression.

Or maybe I'm just blowing up after tolerating all the shit for 2 years now. :/

(no colours today cause I ain't in a colouring mooddd.)

downdowndown.

I vomitted twice yesterday in school after pe.

Felt like shit throughout the day until I managed to eat something.

Came home feeling sad to the max and had a terribly hard time sleeping cause its so hard to sleep with a broken heart and you feel you've no one to tell it to. D:

Washed cans today cause I failed to do my homework cause I'm never in the mood to do so. RyanEe is officially my entertainer though he'll never see this/know this. :D

Anddd. I officially feel like I've got nobody that feel like friends in the world but seriously I feel like it doesn't matter to me anymore cause nothing matters when everybody's happy. :)

Darling, I love you. But sometimes it gets so complicated I don't know what's going on between us and many times I've felt that we should take a break from our relationship cause its really affecting our studies and lives too much.

PS/ I still love you, but I know everything's gonna be different from now on. :B

scary. o:

Back from training and really feeling super tired but yet glad I went cause when I play badminton somehow I don't really think alot cause I've no time to do so. This way, I'm much happier cause my brain doesn't settle, the misery doesn't too. :) Laughed a hell lot with Charlotte cause we both damn gay. Missed those days. ): Hopefully we'll continue to laugh and laugh and be lame for the rest of the time we'll ever ever be together.

PS/ I know you've other friends now, and I prolly ain't that important already. But I just want you to know that you'll always be important to me. :)

Anyway, reply to youuuz. I'm sorry about making you feel so uncomfortable. I know at the worst moment I panicked, I shook damn terribly and I couldn't think. But at that very moment, you wrapped your arms around me to calm me down even as I was shaking so hard. Thank you a hell lot. :)

Hahaha, the ipod's okay, haven't really used it cause the more you use the more scratches and the faster it spoils. D: I'm really guilty about making you hide under the table. ): Gah, I know it was really uncomfortable underneath there, and how you tolerated everything. Sorry about making you feel the way you didn't want to the most okay. I admit we were really really lucky about everything and that my parents never really checked. Oh my god, I could have died there right then. :/ :O !! I'm really terribly sorry about that okay. You know how much it kills me too.

I can't believe I lied it's like damn mean lor seriously. Waste petrol to lure my daddy out. :D lolol. I'm sorry it scared the hell out of you today and I couldn't be there for you cause I was freaking out ten times more than you and wasn't really concerned then. ): You don't have to comfort me later cause I know you're feeling the same as me so everything's vice-versa. C:

PS/ I don't know what you feel that I've done for you, and what I've sacrificed for you cause sometimes I really don't wanna count all these kinda little things. If you feel it, I'm happy enough okay. Hopefully you really appreciate them, cause sometimes I get really really really tired and its that smile that keeps me going all the time. ^^ Yeah you ought to treat me better yo, cause all that misery's coming to me at night. o: I've always trusted you to put that missing piece back into my heart okay. And you should know by now that I always give in to you because I just want you to be happy. :)

I love you too darling.

xoxo. :D

terrifying day. But also, the luckiest day.

Dam, what a day. I'm still having a little of the uncomfortable feeling. I know you are too. My hands were shaking like no ones business too. Maybe you could not feel it. U were shaking yourself.

lucky my plan worked for the first part, and yours worked for the second. Together, EPIC!.

My colour blindness is killing me ): i cant tell purple from dark blue ! Help me next time okay? How's the pretty ipod i gave you? Have not been seeing it for awhile now. Still the same way or is there a whole lot of cuts everywhere D: Okay TV's playing the song I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. Immediately i have that FEELING about today. Ah crap. Never mind, i'll get over it soon. You too okay? I don't know how much more luck we could have gotten just now. HOLY SHIT DUDE. Okay okay. Don't think already.

OKAY, FROM WHAT I SEE, THIS IS PURPLE. RIGHT RIGHT? TELL ME WHEN U READ IT. Anyway,

Today really scared the shit out of me. Not to make you feel bad, i know u also had the exact feeling i had.

Anything happens later, i'll comfort you okay? (: You take good good care and don't think so much.

ps/ thank you for everything you've done for me. I really appreciate it a lot. To think that you're really giving up so much for me, it really makes me feel secure and i don't have that lonely feeling anymore. Sorry, haven been treating you well. I'll be putting back the piece that dropped off your heart . Trust me? Lastly for what i want to say, you've been giving in to me a hell lot. And because of that, i get too sensitive at times. i'm sorry, darling. Iloveyou.

i'll cry you a river.

I don't know what happened today, I've tried really hard, enjoyed myself, tried positive but all in all, everything failed. I know I always seem so strong, to take everything in my stride, but what you never see is how ugly I look when I break down. My heart hurts so much that tears I try to keep so much won't listen to me, and they just trickle down my cheek. I cry time and again, but you don't understand how sick I am of it. I really miss laughing my ass off everything, to face everything with my smile. I cry, I smile, I comfort, I chide, I reflect, I resolve, I wipe off my tears and start anew.
To get away from the first stage to stop from crying is probably the toughest thing. Every little thing, the wrong word, the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong atmosphere, the wrong strangers ; they all make a difference. Once I start, its so hard to stop, it gets so hard, it makes me feel like shit. I feel useless, I feel redundant, I feel like a failure and I feel rejected. That pain in my heart that keeps stabbing me, makes me feel that its so hard to breathe, to talk, to smile, to laugh ; mostly to communicate and bond with the people around me.

All in all, friends, I've probably given up on all. Life's not okay. Family, friends, studies, sleep, nothing seems okay. Nothing's going right for me.

I finally admit, its not okay. I'm not okay.

Thank you for all of you to treat me this way. It has really woken me up. I'll make myself transparent as a glass, cause I know everything's okay even if I'm not there. When you need me I'll be there. I'll be your substitute for everything. I'll be there for you even if you've never been there for me. Everyone has someone else now. It has always been. I've always been so naive, I can't handle friendships, relationships. It's one sided, I'm the one that always thinks that everything's okay when everything's not. I comfort myself, I blind myself. To see you guys happy makes everything okay, and I'll smile, cause to see people happy is the reason I'm here, the rest doesn't matter. I can't make people happy, I don't cause an impact but I'm okay afterall. Smiles around me heal my wounds.

I'm an idiot. I'm worse than a retard. I shouldn't be here.
Goodbye.

PS/ Darling, it was never your fault from the start. To see your smile, I'll even die in peace. It doesn't matter who makes that smile. :)

Ruined hair.

Washed cans today. As usual, started slacking after a few minutes into washing. Left about 7.40pm, rushed to a salon nearby to get my hair cut. If not, tomorrow sure GG.COM. Lucky managed to get there on time. After cutting, suddenly felt that my current hair sucks. Never mind, as what Franklin said, hair sure grow back. Cut botak also can.

Today you so sad. ): not cool. I can roughly guess what happened, but not the exact thing though. Anyway, cheer up k? Like how you always tell me to. SMILE MORE.

ps. ily, always.

I Don't Mind (:

Hey, washed cans today. Most of us not really in the mood to wash. Complaining too smelly, too tired, SMS-ING, too busy talking to one another. (:

While we were slacking, i finally get what all these second best and best thing is about. And people insulting TYS. He's getting crazier each day, must be happy with his life now.

You see, i have already shown it to you that i don't mind at all (: And I was the one to hold first. Your second best and my second best also same thing, don't mind at all.

Okay, getting late. Hope you'll wake up on time tomorrow. Not saying you wont, but just to make sure. (:

i love you.