I can't have the best of both worlds.

I'm sorry, I didn't know that I'll make you go through the worst chapter of your life again, when probably you had some hopes up. You comforted me, stayed with me till late, talked to me like 24/7, gave me encouragements and gave me advices when I was troubled.

Suddenly I rather you hate me, it'll make me feel much better actually. The more that you treat me nicely, I can't help it but feel guilty right? ): Like I've said before, I didn't know about all these, really. That's why I didn't consider as much then.

But then again, after I've learnt of it, I felt so bad, cause you've always been my friend, and not like some hypocrites or smth. I really treated you like one. To see you and feel awkward sucks. Really, you're really a great person.

Why can't things be the same? Why must it change. I don't want it to change. I don't like this exchange. I don't know why I can't have both, why must I lose one to gain another?

I want to be there for you like how you've been here for me. I want to reciprocate the goodwill. Why wouldn't you give me a chance? :/ I want you to feel like we're still friends despite every other thing.

I know how you felt all these months. Just for a little concern, message, anything. I know, I have that feeling all the time. It can't be taken away, but only by the person itself.

I'm sorry I can't lessen your burden. I'm sorry you've to go through this all over again.

I hope you'll stand up and study hard like how you wanted me to, cause at the end of the day, it might be all that matters.

I don't pity you. I don't want to be your friend so that I'll ease my own feelings. I don't want to make you think that you're making me feel sad or guilty. I don't want you to think that its your fault. It isn't. I want you to feel better. If you can't get him, I'll want to be part of the process where I get to make a difference in helping you get over it.

Trust me, I really want to be your friend from the bottom of my heart.

You've somehow crawled into my life and became a significant piece.

I hope you know what I'm saying. I hope that everything is really okay. I don't want to graduate like this.

I've had many failed friendships, of two you should know of by now. I can't do anything for that, I didn't know either. I regret, though till now I still don't know. I'm afraid I'll never know the cause behind those. But at least now I know. And I'm trying to change things.

I've lost two friends, I don't want to lose another.

Give me a chance.

Ps/ Claudia, I know you won't see this. But I want to tell you that what you did the other night really made me effing happy for some reason. I really thought I'd lost you just like that. Thanks so much, its probably the best message I can ever receive on a sad night. You wouldn't believe how many times I read all your messages, smiled and laughed.

Thank you. :)