Because the past matters.

We used to be the best of friends. I don't know what happened. I've cooled down now and I'm now sober. So whatever I'm gonna say is not due to anger or any other emotions.

I know I haven't been great. But y'know how it affects me when you side others, even if its just a joke to laugh at me. I can't take it. I can't take it especially when its you. I don't know, we're getting more distant. And for a moment today I hated you so hard I wanted to cry. Then on my journey home, I wanted to cry more because either you've changed, or I did. I don't know.

Whatever's between us isn't that simple friendship that was so valuable then. It has all changed. For a moment I regretted going Meridian, going to badminton and going through all the thick and thin. Because all I remember was probably the recent you. The one that blamed me about me being bias. The one that I keep arguing with. The one that no longer treats me as a best friend.

The one that I've lost. The one that can change my mood so easily. You've changed, and maybe you'd say I did too.

And today, suddenly I felt these were all over. All the silent sacrifices I've never mentioned all felt so wasted. Treated so lightly, trampled over. Maybe I didn't mind in the past, maybe I still blame you for me being in Meridian, I don't know. I don't know what's going on okay.

Somehow, the you I know is gone now. And you no longer give me that sense of security that you used to give me. The one that tells me you'd always be there, the one that tells me you're always on my side no matter what, the one I had fun with and probably felt the most comfortable with.

You're just .. gone.

I wish I'll find you again.