brainwashing.

i need some brainwashing damn desperately.
Everybody was there to tell me how lucky i was to have him, how he was a nice guy and how he's better than this this that that.
Yet now all the this this that that have proven to me that they were better than him.

I dont know why i cant even hold an evil thought of him, everything beautiful about him keeps coming to haunt me. I wish someone will start brainwashing me about how he sucks or help me get over him. Idk why when somebody says smth bad about him its my natural instinct is to stand up for him like how i stood up for charlotte in the past.
Even my heart is going against my mind. My mind has to be stronger now. :(

I need help. Im trying my best to restrain myself already.