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Singapore
Hi, I'm Zanelle and I'm just an ordinary girl going through the different phrases in life.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Airport studying!

Went to airport to study yesterday and was too tired when I reached home so I didn't really like post although I wanted to say like tons of stuff hahaha.

But now I forgot so ..
HAHAHAHA shall forget it.

The main thing is - I finally touched my homework after a week of non-mugging.
Like feel so proud only! ^^

Parents' orientation today, nothing much just that I think YW mother loves Dora a tons lot and keep siding him. And she has an iphone but can't use Teh's to take picture but can with her own LOL. Like damn joke only. :x

MUST STOP USING COMP. :(

The greatest irony of love

Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they love being held by someone else. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, but because love is always present. It’s just that one was being loved too much, and the other was being loved too little. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love, but to only discover that for them we are just for past times. While the one who truly loves us remains either your friend or a stranger.

When you think of your past love; you may view it as a failure; but when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn’t really matter who won or who lost. What’s important is that you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know that you love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you’re not apart of it. Everything happens for a reason and for its best. If the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you’ll never know unless you give it a try.

You’ll never truly love a person, unless you risk for their love; love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, then you won’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time; though the hurting is there to test you, to help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you; that’s why it’s called falling in love, because you don’t need to force yourself to love, you just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing the chapters. If you want to move on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. But why is it that the greatest irony of love is letting go when you want to hold on, and holding on when you need to let go? You can never find the right person if you can never let it go of the wrong, but at the same time the moment you feel like letting go, you remember why you held on for so long. Sometimes you have to forget what you want and remember what you deserve.
To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying and to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing at all. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose your true self. To love is to risk not being loved in return.

How to define love: Fall but do not stumble. Be constant but not too persistent. Share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand. Hurt but never keep the pain.
Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom; whom they choose to be and where they choose to go. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love can be a painful risk. To love means that risk must be taken, no matter how scary or painful, for only then will you experience the fullness of humanity of what we call love. If you’re not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take the risk and if you’re not ready to feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love.

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Got this from tumblr, thought it really made sense. :)

Thursday, February 24, 2011

C.

I may have never known you, but you feel so close to me. Every single time I feel sad or think about him, you always appear. It just feels so close. Nobody understands this, I'm insane, and I probably don't have the right to even feel sad, but I do.

Its so hard to explain but I really wish you were here. Not by me, but just here with all the rest. Because the stage belongs to you, and there's this guilt eating me up day by day that I stole everything that belonged to you.

I'm glad you feel close. I'm glad I'm like talking to myself every night but thinking you're listening. Maybe you are, but it feels like it. And that's all that matters.

I sincerely hope you're happy.
You'll always remain ideal to me - maybe because of the simple reason that we've never known each other. :)

Thanks for being there.

Because the past matters.

We used to be the best of friends. I don't know what happened. I've cooled down now and I'm now sober. So whatever I'm gonna say is not due to anger or any other emotions.

I know I haven't been great. But y'know how it affects me when you side others, even if its just a joke to laugh at me. I can't take it. I can't take it especially when its you. I don't know, we're getting more distant. And for a moment today I hated you so hard I wanted to cry. Then on my journey home, I wanted to cry more because either you've changed, or I did. I don't know.

Whatever's between us isn't that simple friendship that was so valuable then. It has all changed. For a moment I regretted going Meridian, going to badminton and going through all the thick and thin. Because all I remember was probably the recent you. The one that blamed me about me being bias. The one that I keep arguing with. The one that no longer treats me as a best friend.

The one that I've lost. The one that can change my mood so easily. You've changed, and maybe you'd say I did too.

And today, suddenly I felt these were all over. All the silent sacrifices I've never mentioned all felt so wasted. Treated so lightly, trampled over. Maybe I didn't mind in the past, maybe I still blame you for me being in Meridian, I don't know. I don't know what's going on okay.

Somehow, the you I know is gone now. And you no longer give me that sense of security that you used to give me. The one that tells me you'd always be there, the one that tells me you're always on my side no matter what, the one I had fun with and probably felt the most comfortable with.

You're just .. gone.
I wish I'll find you again.

15 things.

  1. I make lousy decisions.
  2. I should stop feeling guilty about not treating others right. Because sometimes I don't feel treated right either.
  3. I wanna cry.
  4. I regret all decisions I've made in this year.
  5. I'm getting emotional.
  6. Public crying is embarrassing.
  7. I've nobody to fall back on anymore.
  8. Fuck myself.
  9. I always screw up.
  10. I wanna cry real badly now.
  11. I should give up my life and let someone else have it.
  12. I can't cherish.
  13. I'm always unsatisfied.
  14. Kill me please.
  15. I've fucking damn bloody low self-esteem and need to be constantly reminded how I even made a difference at times.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Surge of anger and frustration


Today I was at Eggcite! at MJC's Science Fiesta. This was the Eggcite! team that I was with today. Overall our class did quite well and our darling little egg did not crack. Never thought it would be successful but oh well we're a mugger class aren't we? :)

Can't really say it was enjoyable today but somehow when I was like boiling mad today Dora kinda gave me a pat on the shoulder and I guess it comforted me quite a bit then somehow. I guess its cause I never expected him to be nice. But nonetheless it was a matter of seconds and he was back to his usual self. Teh was trying to comfort me as well but I guess we were all on the same boat so we were basically feeling the same kinda fucked up feeling. :/

Not that I'm already okay now, I ranted to Kaiting when I reached home because I was still like darn mad but just not that bad. I've like decided to forget this incident and let it all pass.

I really can't stand it. Its not like I don't wanna give them a chance, its not that I wanna exclude myself and its not that I'm doing all of this on purpose. I'm gonna tolerate all these shit and let everything rewind and take place again. If this shit happens again, I swear I'm not gonna be nice anymore.

Somehow I'm so glad for having sisterhood to back me up when shit like this happens.
Urgh really hate this shit.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Satisfactory lifestyle

Hahahaha omg I still can't believe Dora really thought that I believed he likes me. To think he's from a mixed school and to trust him to only think that it was a joke.
Fuck and he try to tell me he doesn't like me (i can totally imagine his damn awkward face already i tell you) and i'm laughing away just looking at the message and facepalming. -,-

REALLY BTH.

Anyway I think our sisterhood damn awesome now cause we always like joke around and slack and make time in lectures and tutorials pass so quickly. Sadly, breaks also pass as quickly lor damn sad only :'( Gossiping sessions are like so RAHRAH cause we all have common sentiments. ^^ (as in the girls LOL)

I'm glad I've a bunch of jokers to spend most of my time in jc with. Oh well, satisfaction!

REALLY HAPPY THAT EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE WORKING OUT BETWEEN US NAO Q. :) I hope this situation's gonna last long. ^^ Nothing makes me happier than this.
XOXO! (L)

Monday, February 21, 2011

CYST! :(



I damn sad only I tell you. :(

Finally seen the doctor and I've one week PE MC that'll end this week. Hopefully the cyst will die out by then. ^^ Heh heh. Great thing is that I can skip all the physical trainings BUT I'm gonna get fat!

Well there're always two sides to a coin. :(
There were like many mad people begging me to infect them with my cyst so that they don't have to run too, hahaha damn funny. ^^

Can't wait for Homecoming and go back to Xinmin already! I knew I was going to miss that school. :((



Some decisions are so hard to make, because no matter what you choose you can't have a happy ending.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Settling down.




Finally settled down in Meridian after thinking for ages that I would never get used to the place and I'll just be a loner for the rest of my life. I'm glad to have my Sisterhood friends now because even if we aren't those close to the max friends, I can say they make me laugh and forget things that I don't want to remember anyway.

I've thought about things now, and all I can say is that I'm satisfied with my life now and I'm glad my best friend's still in the same school as me.

I guess I've to be contented with what I have, or I'll never be happy.
Peace out. :)