belief, hope, faith.

C: I'm just sorry I always screw things up. I know I give up easily and I don't try hard enough. I dont perservere, I'm just not up to the standard, and I,m pessimistic. I know. I just want you to know that you've been a significant piece in my life, and the past 1year plus has been great, all the fun and laughter, its possible because you were there. I know you never felt like I appreciated you and that I didn't do much for you. I'm sorry I failed in that aspect to let you feel how important you were to me. Nonetheless, I'm still glad/comforted somehow that you lead a better life now, and knowing that you've found a better replacement makes the pieces fit even better. Thanks for being there with me thick and thin, I'm sorry I couldnt make the "f" in "bff" forever. I just want you to know that letting you go was a decision I didn't want to make. But I really didn't get to choose. If you read this, I just want to say sorry for making you feel like I took you for granted and how I abandoned you and made you feel like a substitute. I was wrong, but I just hope things are better for you now. Like you said, you felt like I never did anything when my best friend's gone, yet how I cried day and night for him. In fact, it hurt me a hell lot then. And to see you with someone else that could replace me so easily; I didn't know how to feel. It was probably what I would have wanted, but yet it made my heart ache really badly, idk. But it came to a balance when I realised you're treating her like how you treated me. Your life was back to how it was.
I'm sorry I ruined some parts of your life, but I'm glad you made a comeback. I'm telling you all these not because I want you to come back (in fact, i think you shouldn't), or for you to sympathise me or feel anything, but because I don't you to graduate thinking that you were always the "second-class citizen", because to me, you never were. I admit I put him in priority all the time, but you were equally important. You were always there when I needed you, and your every little action/note touched me and never failed to make me feel better. :) He could see me hurt, but you couldn't. And you did everything you could (including cycling to my house just for a note) to make me feel like you're there for me, despite all my attitude towards you. For all the chances you gave me, I can only say that I didn't treasure them.
Thank you for everything, and I miss you more than those you named for me. I'm just glad you gained much more with one insignificant loss. I hope you'll always stay so cheerful and happy-go-lucky, cause it was that about you that has picked me up time and again when I felt like shit. Please continue to be gayyy! :D Most importantly, thanks for being the best friend I could ever ever have, hollowhead. :)

Ps/ I probably have so much to say, but it doesn't matter. The point is, I'm sorry I can't tell you these in person, cause I probably can't face the fact how you've changed towards me, and I think I won't make it through without crying like some dog. So, goodbye best friend, I hope we'll still be friends. :)