cold hard truths.

:'( suddenly everything around me seems so sad. There's no wind, the trees no longer sway, the birds no longer chirp happily, and there're no children playing outside and screaming. Everything's so quiet, its like they're mourning for my loss too. I wish it was a small loss for me too. But its not. :( Even my hair screws up, and then I look at my mirror and feel so ugly. Because somehow, all the colours seem to have left me overnight.
All I'm left with are memories. And they keep stabbing at my heart because it feels like everything just happened yesterday. I know nothing will be the same again. But I'm just clinging on to that very tiny piece of hope.

What if I told you that I am traumatised about something you never knew? I wish you'll heal this. But you left. I don't blame you. Its just that I couldn't bring myself to tell you this, because I know that you'll leave me, because you'll despise me, because, it just brings me closer to being a slut.

Fuck, I hate myself now. I hate how I've to always talk about sensitive topics. How I always make myself so weak and pathetic, yearning for something that doesn't belong to me anymore.
You belong with her. No one can ever replace her, like how no one will replace you. I'm sorry I hurt you again.


I'm sorry, forgive me. I shouldn't. I let you down. I failed. I tried, really. I want to get good grades. Help me get away from this pain, help him move on. Help him get good grades, make him happy. All I need is some courage. Give me some. I don't want to go through all these again. Enlightenment, bravery. Spare me some. :(
I really don't want to screw up.
Again.