timid, pessimistic, insecure, weak.

All of a sudden, I hate myself so much for eating today. Not because I'm on a diet, but it just doesn't feel right.

Things to note:
1. I can't do tuition math that is supposedly easy.
2. I can't do tuition physics that everybody can.
3. I can't concentrate on studying for prelims.
4. I failed to send Mr Yap off.
5. My parents make me feel like shit at times.
6. My dad has a great sense of humour.
7. I feel like crying when I laugh.
8. I almost broke down today many times.
9. I'm glad I didn't.
10. I feel like vomitting.
11. I look ugly because my face depicts my mood and it sucks that even my face can't lie.
12. My orange shampoo is running out.
13. I believe in karma.
14. I fail to bring joy and fail to hide my misery.
15. I need to stop scolding vulgarities although it can describe my mood best.
16. I need more sleep.
17. I don't have enough time.
18. I think about him all the time.
19. Its all one-sided.
20. I wish, I meant something more.
21. I got dark eye circles that are very super obvious now.
22. Self suicidal is a definite no-no for me.
23. I feel pathetic and really stupid.
24. I hate myself.
25. This is my favourite number and probably the most significant in my life.

I realised that when you die, you don't really die. Instead, you live forever, in people's heart. And in the memories, you're remembered for how perfect you are.
I wish I can be slightly more towards perfect.

Fuck, I feel damn desperate/weak.
I need to stop this.