cheap and dirty.

I don't know why, but I feel like a slut/prostitute/cheap bitch now. I just want to erase everything that happened. I feel so grossed out or this might be some aftermath that I feel like scrubbing my skin till it peels, and peel all my skin off so I'll get new ones. And I hope I can pull out my brain and pick out all those things I don't want to remember and burn them. I wish I could. It haunts me everytime someone mentions something related and it scares me more than cockroaches do.

I just want to prove myself so badly to you. But its getting all one-sided. Maybe you've already lost everything you once had for me, I don't know. I wish I knew what you were thinking. I wish I knew how to please you. I wish I wouldn't be so stupid. I wish I would stop crying and embarrassing myself because it takes so much for me to even start crying.
After walking it the rain, it felt like I was being washed. I never thought it felt so good to be drenched. It felt so cold with the massive wind, yet so comforting. Its as though the sky sympathises me and is expressing my feelings deep down. I think I'm shivering o: I thinkkk. And I'm hungryyy. :(

On a lighter note, I wish oral will be easy tmrw and that prelims won't stress me out. I need to start mugging. I need to act like a nerd.
Nonetheless, Happy Birthday Auntie, though you might not have liked me alot. :) But I think you've been really great to me. My impression of you hasn't changed from the very start. :) I love you! :D (not in that way though.)